I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
