we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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