so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
