I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
