he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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