he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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