A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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