Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
