a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
