We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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