Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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