On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
