in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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