the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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