be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
