Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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