You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
