Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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