You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
