At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm really busy with my period
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