she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
