I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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