i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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