Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize