I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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