i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
