apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
