dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
