She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
