That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
