The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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