i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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