You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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