btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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