the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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