what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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