the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
