I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
