Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Enjoy the penises
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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