Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
