Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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