and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
