I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
