woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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