there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
