I must be too annoying 4 u.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
