when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
