I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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