Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
