dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
