i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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