using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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