My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
