i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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