he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I fill condoms, not promises.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
