Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
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I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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