I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
