how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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