it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.