Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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