It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
