Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
