Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize