She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
