he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
