We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
