I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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