yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
