btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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