you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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