i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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