I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
