there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
