I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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