When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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