So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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