I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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