I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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