I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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