The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
