Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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