check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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