i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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