This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
